If It Was
by CHEEKYCHIN
Summary: What if Bella didn't let Edward leave in the forest? She takes matters into her own hands. Alternate beginning to Newmoon.
1. Unwritten Future

**Bella, always a damsel in distress, becomes capricious and takes matters into her own hands, for the sake of both their lives. OOC. Oneshot.**

**Yes, so I felt that, Bella being the very weak little human she is, needs a slight character change. She needs to be strong, stand up for what she wants and believes in. So, when Edward takes her into the woods in New Moon, I feel that instead of being all weepy and crying (which I am not doubting, I would do as well) she, fixes things. She has some sortof psychic-like behaviour, admittingly, to know what will happen if he leaves, but that is that.**

**It's a One-shot for now, believe I should continue with this slight storyline, please do tell me. Criticism always appreciated.**

**Disclaimer: Do not own any of Twilight or its characters. Tada?  
**

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"No."

Her mind raced, wild with the discerning thoughts flashing with possibilities of different situations of this turn-out. Bella did not know where her courage came from unexpectedly, but she was going to use it full heartedly. Her insecurities were overwhelming, shouting at her to believe him, saying that she was never worth his time anyway, but she swiped them aside, following her instincts.

"You may be a good liar Edward Cullen, but I can see the truth of this residing in your eyes. You are going to break both of us, and I am neither a mind-reader nor a psychic to know this will be disastrous. Your family has been resisting you haven't they? Trying to convince you to stop yourself from doing this, because you believe you aren't good enough, _too much _of a monster for anyone, of course? This past week...as difficult as it is for me to admit, I see what is going through your mind, and it scares me. Do you want me to break down, shred by shred, slowly withering away to become a lump of cells with no intent or purpose? Because what you are doing, by trying to leave, you might as well drain me dry and dispose of my body like a ruthless animal, because the effect will be the same if you leave."

Her eyes were burning with a burning fire, almost enchanting and pleading, voice smoothly caressing with an undertone of what Edward detected was, no not anger, but passion. She always left him incoherent, confused, and lost with the direction of her thoughts as the mystery which lurks captivated him. Now, it seem as though she was the mind reader, digging out the insecurities he himself possessed, being the monster that he is. For once, Edward could not reply to what she said. He wanted to plead, he was prepared to at any chance, that she deserved so much better, so much more _human_ than anything. More than 100 years of sin was burdened upon him, and he never felt that his past could be atoned. Why could she not understand?

"You don't understand do you Edward?" Her eyes were brimmed, as tears flooded down her cheeks, making it unclear for her to see. As hard as it was to remain motionless while the only person he ever 

truly cared about was hurt, Edward covered his emotions with a stone mask. _It was better this way. To be separate from those whose loving, caring nature could flourish _and grow as a human life progresses. The intense planning he had carefully laid out did not arise on his lips as he fought to argue, convince Bella.

She was becoming desperate, but Bella remained in control of her emotions as much as she could. She had to get it across, of her desperateness, and if at all she failed, she would know that not all would go undone, and that she had tried to retain him. Then she would know, truly, that he really did not care, and the overwhelming truth that was threatening to crush her, that _she wasn't worth it._ Both glanced at each other, with a hungry look as they tried to preserve each other's faces, committed to memory as though it was the last time they would be together.

"I have always felt," Bella said with a shaky voice, "that you were too surreal, too perfect for me. I still do. Yet I know...I know that no matter what happens, I love _you_, Edward Anthony Masen Cullen, and I always will. Nothing will ever change that, ever."

The edge of fierceness brought out the truth of Bella's thoughts in Edward's mind. In desperation, his resolve was slipping away without his consent, and he had to leave before anything else happened, but she had him absurdly captivated, as though hewas the prey, while Bella was the predator, keeping him as still as a stone, rooted to the spot with her deadly scent.. He recalled what Alice said, of the dire consequences of his actions if he were to follow through, but he could not bear to listen.

"You are too perfect, Edward. Yet I need you to know that I have _never_ felt worthy of your love. But you cannot leave, I need you too much. You are essential to my survival as blood is to yours. This is all I...can say. Be happy, for you are the only one to hold my heart," her words were now coming out quickly as her breath quickened and her blood pounded to her eyes, blocking out all else. "You can..._leave now, if you wish_."

_leave now_  
..

_leave now_

..

_leave now_

_.._

The words echoed, reverberating through Edward's thoughts like a sweet yet haunting melodious bell, chiming for him to wake up, for once in his eternal life, and the words rose to his lips before he could stop it.

"Never."

It came out barely a whisper, so Bella did not catch it. But she could not miss the familiar protective look that crossed Edward's face now. She did not want to believe it, as she never could. Nothing else mattered, all else was hazy at this point. Their eyes locked, and time stood still as they edged closer to one another, grabbing each other's face in their hands, not so delicately, rather fiercely as though the other would disappear if their grip were to loosen.

Nothing needed to be said, as everything was said in those silent conversations through their glances. Their lives, together, were so precious, yet now grew strong and stable. Nothing could ever break them apart, for they both concurred that they would die otherwise. It was like Edward holding a metal rose, either it was together or turned to fine powder in his hands otherwise.

She held onto him, and it was not he who was comforting her, but the other way around. He buried himself in her chest, sobbing silently though the tears remained unshed for him. Bella cried, for both of them, for the dark future that could have been if the unspoken possibility if Edward left, a New Moon without the stars to guide, two souls wandering aimlessly without one another.

Edward thought to himself, though the bitter irony was choking him soundlessly. For once, he could bet against Alice.

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**Review with your thoughts. :) Thanks. It's slightly wordy, I know. AHA, that is an understatement. Cheesious, Maximus, lol. (aka, very cheesy lines)**

**Just curious as to what you think, eh? **

**P.S- How do you change your penname?**

**Please please please please review. Even if you think its horrible, just want to know your thoughts!**

Chinny.


	2. It Is Written

**Well then, I have a short storyline. You shall see what shall happen... It's mainly about Bella and Edward's insecurities...and how they truly have to overcome it. **

**As well, I don't really have a good excuse for taking so long - one of my classmates passed away in his sleep, unknowingly. Definitely a long week.**

**Disclaimer: Do not own Twilight or characters or anything else (but my soul, mwaha) **

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**Bella POV**

"Charlie is going to be looking for us," he whispered against my cheek.

Both of us slowly stood up, as I was disoriented from sitting for what seemed like hours, when it was actually several minutes. I was uncertain as to where our relationship stood now, but it felt as though Edward needed some space. It frustrated me, because I knew the direction of his thoughts. They would be angry and guilty, for his actions and for who he was. I was prone to get lost in the woods, so I peeked a glance at Edward, who was lost deep in thought.

As lightly as I could, I reached up to tap his shoulder; he turned around before I could. His dark topaz eyes were reflecting hurt and sorrow, and I ached with all my heart to reach out and touch him, but now was not the time. We were lost in our own thoughts as we walked our way out of the forest and back home, but oddly enough it did not seem less gloomy and dark once we returned.

Edward didn't even attempt to smile, as he waved soundlessly goodbye and ran off. The loneliness, without Edward at my side tonight was astonishingly painful, but I knew it could be much worse.

Charlie was sitting on the couch watching the Yankee game as always, and merely glanced up and said, "Hey Bells, what's for dinner, I could order a pizza if you don't want to make something right now."

He must have been very concentrated on the game to not notice my dishevelled hair with twigs and grass stuck everywhere, and wrinkled clothes.

"Yeah, If you'd like I could cook up some spaghetti and meatballs for you." As much as I wanted to run up to my room and ponder, I was afraid of being alone at this moment.

He didn't even glance up this time. "That would be great."

I escaped to the kitchen and began brewing the spaghetti, staring deep within the contents of the pot, as though it held all the answers to my problems. I tried to concoct a new recipe, in hopes to escape reality, but it was soon evident that it was hopeless. As I threw in some garlic and tomato in the pot, my mind began to drift, as it became impossible to let go of the looming dread that overcame me. I knew deep in my heart I didn't believe a word he said, for once, and that he was only trying to protect me after the birthday party incident. But I couldn't help but think very negative, and feel helpless about the situation. Before Edward...I never expected myself to find someone at all, let alone go out with. And he was so much more than a boyfriend, I tried to convey so desperately.

My head screamed, _I wasn't a silly damsel in distress! Edward cannot change his being, nor would I ever want him to. Circumstances have led to there being many bad situations, but that didn't mean he should leave. I loved Edward, and that is all that mattered, regardless of whether or not he was a vampire or not. _The word vampire didn't even faze me anymore. _I have a heck of an understanding, but something has to be done. _ Edward has a deep past, much of which I don't even know. He needs to understand how much I love him... how much I care. Perhaps because he could not read my thoughts, he doubted me. The thought sent chills through my body.

I struggled to bring myself back to reality, while continuingly and aimlessly stirring the pot as the spicy aroma filled the air. My brain, the practical 35-year old side of me, was taking control as though peering through those tiny spectacles giving me a disapproving look. _Tsk tsk tsk. Edward probably doesn't even want me anyway, and he was right to want to leave..and now he was only going to stay out of pity. He probably saw the frantic and desperate expression when he told me the truth, and he's just going to stay till the end of this year before disappearing forever, to be with Tanya or someone much worthwhile. _

Dread filled me.

_Ding_

The sound of the garlic bread done being toasted awoke me, and I went to call Charlie over. I knew he wasn't much of a talker, so as we both sat down I began to play with my food. I did not doubted in my love for Edward, but it kept drifting into my mind that it was silly how I was playing with fate...perhaps my love for him wasn't strong enough for him. I become so worried to be away from Edward for more than a couple days, so I could barely imagine, perhaps glimpse of the lonely life Charlie has had for so many years.

"Bells, are you alright, you seem caught up in something," Charlie's voice cut me from my thoughts.

I could only imagine as to how worried I must look, and Charlie doesn't talk much so he was making an effort to play the "dad" role.

"Yeah...I guess." Complete Lie. Ha!

"Dad," I knew this was a sensitive topic so I treaded and choose my words carefully, "...how did you know you loved Mom?"

His facial expression changed from worried and curious to the face of a young, carefree Charlie who was once deep in love.

"It's, difficult to explain. We were both so young, and now I wonder if we rushed things, but I would never regret how our life has been." His features softened. "She was an amazing woman, and in high school our love just blossomed, and well, you know the rest. You just know, the difference between a mere crush, or something full-blown that is inevitable to escape."

"Now I hope I don't have to lecture you on early marriages, Bella," his face stiffened and the possibility, "I know your mother has enforced good values on you...but-"

"-Oh yeah, of course." I did not like the idea of marriage of the horrors that Renee had drilled into my mind, but I didn't tell Charlie I wanted to be much more than a wife, but an eternal soul mate. I stifled a laugh.

"Bella, this is about Edward isn't it?" I could see that Charlie was hesitating, because boys were a forbidden topic to talk about. "Well, I can see that you two are serious, much more serious then Renee and I. I do have to say though, I have seen a remarkable change in you Bells, since you've first come here. At first, I was hesitant about Edward, but I saw how happy he makes you, and when he's not here you go into a zombie state. Admittingly, it is quite unhealthy."

Ha! Unhealthy as in to the point of life-threatening situations, but Charlie didn't know that

"Look, what I am trying to say is that you love a person for not who they are, but how they make you feel. It's an indescribable feeling, almost like a high all the time. _It's not a person you can live with, but rather you cannot live without_." At this, Charlie winced, and I knew, thinking about Renee. His bachelor life hurt him sometimes, for he was still very much in love with Renee.

I was stunned. For the first actual daughter-dad lecture he had ever given me in specifics, so I should let him know how I felt. I couldn't help but feel nervous, because Charlie could interpret me so well, and I could not lie, so my deepest feelings about Edward were more than open to Charlie.

"It sometimes scares me Charlie, I cannot even explain. I've never loved anyone else, nor will I ever."

The conversation ended at that, as I trudged upstairs to sleep. At first, I was going to leave the window open, but I closed it. It was an unconscious decision that I made in hopes to fix this problem out. My mind drifted...I knew in his eyes he did not believe my love for him was more than a mere high school crush, and I had to prove that to him at all costs. Even if it involved trickery. I remembered what he once said, about him being strong enough to leave if it was required of him, and that _I would never have to make the choice_ to leave.

That was all about to change. Adrenaline rushed into me, electrifying and bringing my plan to life. It was without a doubt Alice would see this, but I could only hope she wasn't around Edward in case he was reading her mind. My hands moved of their own accord as I began to scribble furiously, until the lead of my pencil broke with a _snap._ I whispered quietly, knowing Alice would see this in a vision as well; _Don't worry about me, and don't call. I hope things work out. _

I sealed the envelope shut, knowing Edward would see it in due time. Now it's about time that I make the decisions around here. And it would happen, tonight.

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**Ohhhhh dramatic! Of course it was, not? Review! Review! Review! Not for the review, but to know your thoughts. And it HAS been proven that repetition of something does eventually drill into ones minds and happen!**

**So, REVIEW! **


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